His bike screeched as it stopped just a few feet from me.. Loud enough to jolt me out of my thoughts… Yikes! Can’t people be less noisy and more careful? Just as I was about to throw an annoyed look that way, I saw him.. Omg! And I forgot all about it…

There he was, still sitting astride his bike as if ready to cruise off at full speed again. Our glances met, and inspite of myself I couldn’t help but throw an amused smile his way. In response, his eyes twinkled, full of mischief… A sly, lop-sided grin spread across his face… You don’t really come across this kinda cuteness every day, and I was eager to exchange names… But someone called for him, and he turned around… awwww… And he shouted back to the one who had called him… “I am gonna sit on the swings!!”Ah…. Whoever thought I would come across someone so adorable, out of  the blue? Someone who shared my love for bikes and swings?! How lucky can a girl get?! Well, not as lucky as I’ve made you believe me to be!

Inspite of the instant connection, there were a few glitches.. He was three years old, and riding a tricycle ! Haha! Well, you can’t have everything you want, can ya?!

….can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day… TYPICALLY CALVIN!! But something to think about… Isn’t it just so typical for all of us to get influenced by little things, even in this virtual world?! Where a little rudeness from an unknown stranger at some random social forum might make your mind boil over! And there you are, sitting staring at this faceless screen with disgust and fury, as if it were your worst enemy instead! Hmm… I don’t deny I haven’t experienced something like that! What is cause for wonder is however not this, but how easily influenced we end up being with these virtual behaviours! Judging people by their online behaviour can sometimes end up misfiring on you terribly. But sometimes, you might just end up being friends with someone you met online, and I’ve made some too! So where does one draw the line? I am not sure about it!

There are instances however, where rudeness, real or feigned is exactly what might get you some peace of mind! haha…I know..sounds evil! But, let me just say, its an easy way out to get rid of some weird people! Like I had this weird someone stalk me over the past few months.. sending friend requests across all the possible social networks where I really don’t know how he found me! So today morning, I found another one of his emails… I know, I agree, I should have changed my email, long time back! But, why the hell should I do this for one weirdo?! I would have to end up sending all my friends the new account and I just dont think its fair why I should be running, when it should be him! OK, so I tried my new strategy… instead of ignoring him like usual, I sent a rude email back! haha… EVIL me! Well, I just think he deserved it..! But, the slow brain actually couldn’t get why I was sooooooo angry….?! Hullo?!! And he actually suggested we settle it over some messenger! Some nerve! Well, I guess, more offence from my side was just what was the need of the hour..(or maybe the min!)… Round 2 was followed by another volley and my final round 3 got him down! Oh, am I proud of myself or what?! Well, I really don’t mind what he said or thought…Infact, I was praying he hate me, enough to stop sending weird mails, but not too much to plot a revenge and stalk more! I hope I did well…! *fingers crossed*

So I kinda agree with Calvin today…drama on a dull day! I hope it pays off though, coz I certainly got no wish to have more of it, albeit I can’t deny it was fun to put the guy in his place! Some verbal karate champ, me!

Time to get a bit personal..hehe..not exactly the way you have in mind though! Surprisingly enough, I find myself in another dilemma so soon! I thought I’ve had enough of those! sigh!

An old schoolmate caught up with me online after a long time… (uh..oh!) So, it’s “long time…no see…” ..yeah..yeah..whatever! And how am I supposed to see him when we are living as far off as what practically constitutes, living in two different countries?! Oh so he reminds me, he was here last weekend! Duh..huh! Am I supposed to keep a tab on his itinerary?!

Oh…ok.. I know, I am being too harsh! So, I play nice & try and help him out, as he says on his “lookout”.. Christ! what am I, a matchmaker?! Well, anyways, anything for a friend…or kinda-friend… So here I go suggesting names and teaching him how to ask for their phone no.s… and the conniving lil’ devil actually steers the conversation to me?! Hullo?! How do I come into the picture?! Anyhow, I fall into the trap I myself laid down! Reassuring him that the gals wont refuse to give their no.s, wasn’t such a good idea, after all! Here I go, playing DUD again! OK… so I gave him my no.. but going by what I taught him, he’ll be a good student and not call up for a few days! What a relief!

Well, frankly, he isn’t such a devil as I have portrayed him to be and giving him my no. was not really such a big deal… But I am kinda not too social these days… (read ANTIsocial.. and no, not in that criminal sort of way!) Just that, I don’t want to risk getting bruised again! At least , not right after getting my heart torn apart( more like kicked! ouch! )…

A part of me does pity the poor guy.. Maybe coz I am not ready to give him( or anyone else, for that matter), a chance to prove me wrong… Not until I am sure that someone would not go kicking at it, would I ever risk my heart again… Till then, a girl can always dream about her knight-in-shining-armour ! Oh ya…I am ALL for cliches in matters of the heart..!

How many times have you wondered you could just fly away from everything? Just listening to Kelly Clarkson’s breakaway, I couldn’t help but wish once more! Here’s the song’s lyrics for you::

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

 [Chorus:]
I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes til’ I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I’ll spread my wings
And I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway…  

And here’s my favourite calvin n hobbes with breakaway!

This one is a sprouting of the seed planted in one of my previous posts… (see here) It is something that most of us ignore so frequently in our lives. It seems meaningless for some, and too self-fulfilling for others. And while, its OK to talk about all other kinds of love, this one garners only a few speculative glances, but never stirs any emotions within…Why? I really don’t know! Maybe because we are so used to the idea of love being love for others. Anything for yourself has only self-serving connotations.. But that’s only stereotyping it, I believe.

Unconditional love begins from self and ends there too… A full circle! But what really constitutes “love for self ” is a major confusion! It has been for me, for quite a while. Even the idea of “self love” was disconcerting for some time… How can I possibly love myself when I can see flaws staring at me everyday that I so want to get rid of?! But thats exactly why I should! Am I confusing you too much?! OK, let me state it plainly… Acceptance is the key to loving yourself (and others too)..!

Accepting myself the way I am… But even this is a tricky thing.. Accepting means not loathing myself when I end up doing something wrong, but loathing the act or the habit… And not kicking myself for it but the act or habit. That being said, if you think it gives you a license to do nothing about your flawed bits, you have got it totally wrong!

Loving yourself means accepting and polishing yourself. It means a constant personal growth. It means letting your potentials and possibilities become a reality…It means letting go of your past inhibitions, fears, angst and moving on… Yes, loving yourself means cherishing the euphoric moments and yet embracing the devastating ones with strength.. It means learning to love your life and endeavouring to live wholeheartedly…It means giving yourself another chance for a happy and blissful life…!

Finally I’ve decided to do something about my penchant for holding the sad bits close to me…It’s time to kick bu**…(literally)..!!

Its long been discussed all across the globe how a light body equals light mind… I would however differ a bit. A light mind is the cause, rather than the effect. So what does one do when serious sh** keeps happening all around you?! Ignore? Escape? Avoid? Whine? Get angry or sad or both? OR really do something about it, without letting it bother you?! And if there’s nothing you can do about it, just let it be and do your own thing like nothing ever happened?

I have tried all of the above except the last two. But then I cant do anything about the situation which leaves me with only the last one! Hmmm… thats exactly what I am gonna try now… Feels good to view the same thing a little differently! What a relief! Phew!!

So I’ve put on my long-ago-dumped rose glasses back, to peer through… The only difference is, the black spots still appear black, but somehow they don’t dull my world anymore!

And I’ve hit right on about the light mind bit, the other half of the equation doesnt seem too far either…!

“Loving yourself involves the discovery of the true wonder of you; not only the present you, but the many possibilities of you. It involves the continual realization that you are unique, like no other person in the world, that life is, or should be, the discovery, the development and the sharing of this uniqueness…! “

- Leo F. Buscaglia

I think Leo was right on about this one… what do you think?!

Coming across this snapshot on flickr, I couldn’t help but look at it for a long time… It reminds me so much of my nights that I spend wondering… (Lets not talk about the days, that is another long post sometime else..) Wondering and wandering.. that’s how I’ll sum up my nights..

Wondering about?! A day gone by, another approaching day, the surprising fluidity of time and the exasperating resoluteness with which my emotions tend to spring up during this time… The chill in the air works overtime on that familiar pang of melancholy and soon drives me into a frenzy.. It’s enough to make me run as fast as I can, hoping that somehow they will tire and let me be.. They never die out though, only being displaced for a while by the physical pain as I push my sprained leg on.. Nevertheless, I am somehow glad for that small period of displacement, if only by an aching leg.. It is so much easier to deal with..

But soon, even my legs give up on me, sending me tumbling straight into throes of misery… The mist gathers around and I return back to a brightly lit home, which doesnt help me in any way either… And somehow, I can almost hear mirthful laughter as the lights dance around, before my eyes…

It is time to shut my eyes tight and wander away into another world.. Atleast in this one, the bench isn’t empty…

oh wow.. just when I was thinking about spending some time dozing off, I feel sleepless. So here I drift again. Probably because writing makes it so easy for me to get rid of random thoughts that keep plaguing my mind. And maybe, after having emptied my mind, I’ll get the sweet slumber I so deserve… OK, maybe I don’t, but its “me” we are talking about here…alright?!

Tonight, I discovered something I had been ignoring all these years… I had always anticipated living a wonderful life! Yes, to have an extraordinary life… to be someone everyone would look with awe and wonder…!  OK , I am not even near any of the great-has been’s or great-would be’s, but I dreamt! In so wanting to be something I decidedly was not, I shunned what I surely was..And tonight, as I struggled to pull my wobbly self through my late night jog, I realised, life isn’t about being someone extraordinary… Before you dissent, let me put my point forward…

The greatest challenge of life is not when we endeavour through exciting bits of discovery or achievement…. It never has been..! That’s probably the most fun part!  The greatest challenge  is, to live an ordinary life, extraordinarily… Yes, those mundane things you most loathe to do… It is not about just doing them, but doing them with as much love and pleasure, as the things you so love doing…! Doing them as if you were doing them for the first and probably the last time ever..! Living each moment, and each day as if it were your last..! I know everyone’s heard this before… even I have, umpteen times…! But, to really get it under your skin, now that’s an altogether different matter…! 

Tonight however, I tried testing this theory, on myself . Hmmm…where else can I find a guinea pig?! hehe… plus I really had fun!! Oh ya, I did! OK, so what did I really do? My biggest vice has been living a sedentary life for many years now… Blaming it on the demands put to me by my so-called education and on my big appetite! I mean ,how can I help? I am helpless at the hands of a boring and busy life…! And I am someone who wanted to be a long distance runner most of my early life! Oh, now I got your eyeballs popping for sure, didn’t I? hehe…! Well, surprising as it may sound, it is as true as it gets…! So why did I start loathing something I used to love doing? My only passion…running? Probably because it got boring…. And I found numerous ways to sidestep the boredom… But, today, I tried.. tried to put as much love into it, as I once felt for it… Dunno how it really started, but somehow I had these terrible thoughts… what if I am never able to run again? Never able to feel the cool breeze sweep through my hair…..? Never able to feel the exhilaration of a fast pace? I dunno how fast I ran, I didn’t have a speedometer…. but I do know, I ran with all I had in me….  And, it surely felt great !!

And as I trudged back home… this song was playing on the radio….“har pal ek naya geet hai…. zindagi ki yahi reet hai…. “    {A loose translation: “each moment is a new song…life has only this law… ” }

And, tonight unlike other nights, I had a spring in my step… and a song in my heart….!

Funny to be talking about “letting go“, when I just wondered aloud about new beginnings..? But, how can u begin anew, when you are holding onto things that were…or should have been..? Sometimes doing the right thing is so difficult…I wonder how people think it is the easiest… For me, probably the most difficult lesson to learn has been this one… The truth is, I am still not sure if I’ll ever truely conquer my fears while letting go of people I so dearly adore… And maybe that is the reason, I find it hard to let go when I should…This probably stems from my habit of wanting to control things around me…or maybe at least trying to, albeit helplessly… and the more I try, the more I get frustrated… I know, you must be thinking… “silly girl! How can you even think about it?” noone can… I know, I can not….Yet, I unabhashedly admit to wanting to keep those people close to me, without whom, life wouldn’t be a happy journey for me… So today I whisper a silent prayer to my friend above… grant me patience and grace, enough to accept what comes my way and to let go….